Rocky for Men

The Rocky Horror Picture Show is a gender-bending spectacle of musical theater. From the characters to the musical numbers, the show is not meant to appeal to the heterosexual male. The following is the new plot, including character changes, if the show was given a strong dose of testosterone.

The show starts in a dark underground punk club where Brad is the front man of a band playing there that night. He is muscular, clad in dark jeans, a tee-shirt that clings to his ripped chest, and a black motorcycle jacket (a bit like my local cab drivers). He knows what he wants and never dithers.

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Near the end of the set, Janet shows up, filling out her micro-mini shift dress with perfect breasts and hips. She seems to get the attention of every man in the club, and she knows how to handle it. Brad can't take his eyes off of her and he has the band change the final number from "Screaming Hate" to "Love Screams". As the set ends Brad approaches Janet and tells her the song was for her, and buys her a drink. Brad is able to talk Janet into a late night ride on his motorcycle. After a few wrong turns, they find themselves in front of a mansion just as the heavens open and rain pours down.

Upon entering, they find themselves in the middle of a burlesque party. Women in corsets, stockings, and any imaginable article of boudoir clothing and jewelry fill the room. A small number of muscular men hide in the shadows. As Janet inquires as to who the host is Brad openly gawks at the women. She repeatedly gets the same answer: "He's in his lab." Soon the women start dancing to a strip tease as the Doctor, a strapping man in close fitting jeans, a skin-tight tee-shirt, and combat boots enters the room and approaches Brad and Janet. He gives Brad the cold shoulder as he asks Janet why she isn't dancing. Brad reacts by challenging the Doctor to a fight.

Despite the fight, Brad and Janet are brought to the laboratory to see the Doctor's creation. Assisted by a very attractive young woman and a deformed male assistant, the Doctor brings a gorgeous, curvy blonde "monster" to life. As soon as she rises, the Doctor brings her to bed, and the assistants usher Brad and Janet to their respective rooms. Janet's a boudoir decorated in red, and Brads nothing more than a cell with a pallet.

In the night the Doctor goes to visit Janet in the guise of Brad as Brad slips out to race to the lab to have a good time with the 'monster'. As Brad sets an alarm off saying that the lab has been infiltrated, the Doctor goes racing to check on it, dragging Janet along. As soon as the Doctor and Janet walk in on Brad and the monster, the Doctor has Brad imprisoned as he takes both Janet and the monster to bed.

Brad soon breaks free and calls his old friend the Agent to come and rescue him and Janet from this insanity. As the Agent arrives, Brad learns that he and the Doctor are acquaintances, and not on the best of terms. A fight breaks out between the Doctor and the Agent as Janet, Brad, and the Monster run away toward the exit. Though they move swiftly, the assistants manage to intercept them and bring them to the Doctor's dining room to "discuss differences" over dinner. As they arrive they are seated, the Doctor walks in and dinner is served. It is soon revealed that the dinner is roast Agent. This results in a fight between Brad and the Doctor as Janet and the Monster look on, huddled together in fear.

During the fight, Brad, Janet, and the Monster are turned to stone statues by the Doctor's ray gun. They wake up, back in human form in a small room. Janet and the Monster are dressed in corsets and stilettos; Brad's clothes are unchanged. Janet and the monster are made to perform lap dances on the Doctor and Brad. Soon the attractive maid and the butler break through the doors dressed in utilitarian space suits, threatening the Doctor that if he doesn't go home with them to the planet Hetero in the Galaxy Virilia he will die. He refuses, and is brutally shot down. Brad chases after the assistants but they disappear, along with the house, leaving Brad and Janet in a field somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

The musical numbers have been removed and replaced with a soundtrack of punk rock numbers, and though removed for length, the chaos among the smaller characters remains, but is altered to appeal to a stereotypical male point of view.