
Rocky for Men
The Rocky Horror Picture Show is a
gender-bending spectacle of musical theater. From the characters to
the musical numbers, the show is not meant to appeal to the
heterosexual male. The following is the new plot, including
character changes, if the show was given a strong dose of
testosterone.
The show starts in a dark underground punk club where Brad is the
front man of a band playing there that night. He is muscular, clad
in dark jeans, a tee-shirt that clings to his ripped chest, and a
black motorcycle jacket (a bit like my local
cab drivers). He knows what he wants and never dithers.
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Near the end of the set, Janet shows up,
filling out her micro-mini shift dress with perfect breasts and
hips. She seems to get the attention of every man in the club, and
she knows how to handle it. Brad can't take his eyes off of her and
he has the band change the final number from "Screaming Hate" to
"Love Screams". As the set ends Brad approaches Janet and tells her
the song was for her, and buys her a drink. Brad is able to talk
Janet into a late night ride on his motorcycle. After a few wrong
turns, they find themselves in front of a mansion just as the
heavens open and rain pours down.
Upon entering, they find themselves in the middle of a burlesque
party. Women in corsets, stockings, and any imaginable article of
boudoir clothing and jewelry fill the room. A small number of
muscular men hide in the shadows. As Janet inquires as to who the
host is Brad openly gawks at the women. She repeatedly gets the same
answer: "He's in his lab." Soon the women start dancing to a strip
tease as the Doctor, a strapping man in close fitting jeans, a
skin-tight tee-shirt, and combat boots enters the room and
approaches Brad and Janet. He gives Brad the cold shoulder as he
asks Janet why she isn't dancing. Brad reacts by challenging the
Doctor to a fight.
Despite the fight, Brad and Janet are brought to the laboratory to
see the Doctor's creation. Assisted by a very attractive young woman
and a deformed male assistant, the Doctor brings a gorgeous, curvy
blonde "monster" to life. As soon as she rises, the Doctor brings
her to bed, and the assistants usher Brad and Janet to their
respective rooms. Janet's a boudoir decorated in red, and Brads
nothing more than a cell with a pallet.
In the night the Doctor goes to visit Janet in the guise of Brad as
Brad slips out to race to the lab to have a good time with the
'monster'. As Brad sets an alarm off saying that the lab has been
infiltrated, the Doctor goes racing to check on it, dragging Janet
along. As soon as the Doctor and Janet walk in on Brad and the
monster, the Doctor has Brad imprisoned as he takes both Janet and
the monster to bed.
Brad soon breaks free and calls his old friend the Agent to come and
rescue him and Janet from this insanity. As the Agent arrives, Brad
learns that he and the Doctor are acquaintances, and not on the best
of terms. A fight breaks out between the Doctor and the Agent as
Janet, Brad, and the Monster run away toward the exit. Though they
move swiftly, the assistants manage to intercept them and bring them
to the Doctor's dining room to "discuss differences" over dinner. As
they arrive they are seated, the Doctor walks in and dinner is
served. It is soon revealed that the dinner is roast Agent. This
results in a fight between Brad and the Doctor as Janet and the
Monster look on, huddled together in fear.
During the fight, Brad, Janet, and the Monster are turned to stone
statues by the Doctor's ray gun. They wake up, back in human form in
a small room. Janet and the Monster are dressed in corsets and
stilettos; Brad's clothes are unchanged. Janet and the monster are
made to perform lap dances on the Doctor and Brad. Soon the
attractive maid and the butler break through the doors dressed in
utilitarian space suits, threatening the Doctor that if he doesn't
go home with them to the planet Hetero in the Galaxy Virilia he will
die. He refuses, and is brutally shot down. Brad chases after the
assistants but they disappear, along with the house, leaving
Brad
and Janet in a field somewhere in the middle of nowhere.
The musical numbers have been removed and replaced with a soundtrack
of punk rock numbers, and though removed for length, the chaos among
the smaller characters remains, but is altered to appeal to a
stereotypical male point of view.
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